A story for you

Have you been "creepy walking" your way through life?

"There is something about the outside of a horse that is good for the inside of a man.” - Winston Churchill

If you’ve ever wondered just how equine coaching works, how we can work with horses to increase our personal development, I have a story for you:

I trained to become an equine assisted coach on a beautiful ranch just outside San Louis Obispo, California. One day, my teacher, Koelle, asked for a volunteer to go into the corral with a horse and act as a client for a coaching demonstration. With butterflies in my stomach, I raised my hand. Koelle smiled and asked me what my intention was for my session. As I looked up at my fellow trainees who were all observing, I could immediately feel my life-long fears of making a fool of myself or getting something wrong rearing their ugly heads.

So I decided that my intention would be to practice letting go of my worry about what others thought of me.

At that, Koelle invited me into the ring with a big, beautiful horse named Velvet. I knew Velvet to be a sensitive horse, difficult to catch and a bit wary of humans. He seemed a little nervous about my presence, but as I moved him around the round pen, we began to develop a bit of a relationship. Trotting to the right, changing directions and then cantering around to the left... 

He was getting used to me—and as I felt my relationship with him deepen, I felt my old fears begin to melt away. It was just me and Velvet in the ring, and our connection was beautiful. He moved when I moved, stopped when I stopped. We were totally in tune - it was like a dance. Eventually, completely smitten with him, I had the impulse to be near Velvet, to give him a pet, and maybe even see if he’d like to take a walk around the pen with me.

Then suddenly, as I began to take my first steps toward Velvet, I remembered his wariness of humans and the crowd of my fellow coaches looking on. My stomach was in knots. What if he wouldn’t let me touch him? What if he turned and ran as I tried to get close to him? What if I totally screw this up? I had a story in my head that if he rejected me, everyone watching would see my imperfections. They would see just how lacking I was.

So I began to do what my mentors call the “creepy walk”. I walked toward Velvet with an energy that was, well, creepy. Imagine a robber sneaking up on you to take your wallet - it was like that. I confused Velvet, because though I was walking toward him with the intention to pet him, I was also trying to pretend that I wasn’t—afraid that if I got too close, my very next move would send him running. The problem was that I wasn’t being honest; I was trying to manipulate my way into what I wanted, hoping he wouldn’t notice.

Before Velvet had a chance to bolt (and that’s exactly what he looked like he was going to do!) Koelle stopped me and helped me see what I was doing. Because of my fear of making a fool of myself, I’d lost the magic and connection I’d had with Velvet just moments before. She helped talk me through my false story about rejection and perfection, and as I began to approach Velvet a second time, it was with genuine desire, clear intention, and complete detachment from the outcome. And guess what? Within seconds I was at his shoulder, running my fingers through his mane, a tear sliding down my cheek at the simplicity of it all.

I realized that a shift in perception, or breaking an old pattern, was all it took for me to not only move past my fear, but also to get exactly the connection and closeness I craved. So now, I have this experience with Velvet to reference whenever I need to, especially in my relationships with my family and my employees. Instead of “creepy walking” my way around what it is I want, I can be honest and clearly communicate it. And I can detach from the reaction I receive, allowing those I’m in relationship with to have their own experience.

I can’t tell you how life changing it’s been to make this shift. There’s still work to do—I’ll be at this stuff my whole life, I imagine—but there’s been a big step in a better direction. Less stress and distrust. Less worry and fear. There’s more peace and connection and healthy community.

And that’s why I so appreciate equine coaching and what it has to offer us humans. If you live in Northwest Arkansas (or you want to come for a visit!) and have interest in an equine coaching session, shoot me an email. Or forward this story to a friend. Sharing is caring around here. 😀 Spring has sprung, and I’m excited to have a couple clients out to the farm!