Not to be dramatic

but some questions really are worth pondering

My right knee has been acting up, on and off, for the last couple years - like I needed a reminder that my 40’s may be a little a lot different than my 30’s. I work with a movement specialist, and she’s taught me a lot that I can do to prevent flare ups or at least get out of pain pretty quickly.

But this recent bout of swelling and misalignment has lasted over two weeks. I can usually stay in a pretty good headspace about it all. Right now, not so much. The limping and finally getting out the prescription anti-inflammatories have me feeling… well, old.

The kind of old I was afraid of being when I was a kid - slow moving and slightly hunched, withering away. Not the kind of old I can look at now as a possibility model (even if still slow moving and slightly hunched) - potent and wise, with gusto and gumption.

I mean, there’s no question that these bodies we live in will eventually grow old and die. It’s just that staring it in the face is scary sometimes. It has me asking all the big questions, which if I’m being honest, I tend toward anyway:

What do I really want to do? How do I want to be? What kind of legacy do I want to leave? What will I be proud of when I look back on my (hopefully) long life?

One of my brilliant human design mentors, Amy Ruth, told me last week that my Uranus opposition (aka mid-life crisis vibes) will be here around May of 2025. Maybe I’m just starting to feel it a bit early. 😉

Either way, I think these are good questions to be asking at this point in my life. We really do get only so much time, and how we use our life minutes matters.

Mindfulness teacher, Cory Muscara, sends out daily texts, and this one from last week is probably contributing to my pondering:

“What if this were your last year on Earth? What would you prioritize that you’ve been putting off because you believed you had more time?”

These questions were at the forefront of my mind when I created The Spark Sessions. There’s nothing I love more than seeing closeted dreams that have been off put again and again finally come out to play. I mean, why not? And why not now? I know those are loaded questions, but still, the contemplation of them can inform our choices and help us move toward the second half of our lives with more intention, and hopefully more fulfillment, too.

But what if our closeted dreams feel like too big a stretch right now? In this case, I’m a big fan of baby steps - how can we back it up and start smaller? How about increasing our capacity for joy? For peace? For the satisfaction of simple, well-lived moments?

When I can do that, limping around on a bum knee doesn’t bother me quite so much. And my dreams are probably even closer than they seem.

One of my favorite quotes is from Mary Oliver. You’ve probably heard it before. It’s the one about “your wild and precious life”. But I think it’s even more powerful with more context. Here’s the last half or so of her poem, “Summer Day”. Enjoy. :)

I don’t know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
With your one wild and precious life?

My friend, Beth, and my four-legged boyfriend, Takota, having a moment. :)

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