We forgot our anniversary...

On “being seen, being heard, feeling felt, and getting gotten”

Last year, my husband and I forgot our anniversary (at least it was both of us! 😂)

It felt like some weird threshold we crossed… Like, we’ve been together long enough to have let it slip. It was year 16, and I was proud of the laugh-til-you-cry moment we had when we realized what had happened.

That’s us. Last winter, I think. After doing some donuts in an empty parking lot.

For our anniversary this year, we were back! We remembered ahead of time and agreed to no gifts. No need when the big day is sandwiched between Christmas and Valentine’s Day. Just a card. A nice dinner. Simple, spacious time together to look back and reflect on some of our favorite moments…

One of mine is the conversation I had with my mom when I called to tell her that she was going to be a grandmother. Craig and I had only been dating for eight months, and I was 25 years old. It’s fun to laugh about now. 😇

We’ve never been shy about the fact that we got pregnant before we got married. I’ve always pointed to our wedding photo that hangs in the hallway and told my son that he was there, too, right in my belly.

Because it was never a secret, I thought my daughter also knew about it. But as we chatted in the car on the way to dance that morning, she did the math. I realized pretty quickly that she had no idea. Whoops. She turns 13 in a few weeks, so she proceeded to get the most thorough, honest version of Craig and I’s romance to date.

We got to talk about good times and bad, commitment, growth…

I told her the one thing that has served us best is that we’re both willing to at least hear the other out. We usually (eventually) get around to taking responsibility for our actions. We care enough about each other to set our pride aside every once in a while and make an honest attempt at change.

To honor the other. To comfort. To be more present and create a life together (we’re both pretty independent).

This is obviously the journey of a lifetime—I resist the vulnerability it requires on a daily basis. And not just in my marriage. But also in my friendships, in my relationships with my staff at the dance studio, or even new folks I meet at the gym…

Being seen and heard and felt and understood, or “being seen, being heard, feeling felt, and getting gotten” as Sarah Schlote of Equusoma says… it’s not for the faint of heart. But man, if it isn’t what we’re all after.

“To see and be seen. That is the truest nature of love.” - Brene Brown

Hope you have a place in your life to feel felt and get gotten this week. It’s been really nice to recognize and cherish those places in mine.

XO,
Hannah

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