What do you do when you're between the old and the new?
My favorite tool to help me through a transformative experience.
Last week, I told you more about my recent foray into public speaking. Being on that stage was a defining moment for me. It wasn’t just being on stage though. It was also listening to the wisdom the other speakers shared. And the energy from the amazing attendees was quite electric. I don’t think I was the only one who walked away transformed.
I’ve had expansive experiences like this before, but I haven’t always handled them so well. After my first equine coaching workshop (I was so nervous, and it turned out so great!)… I got good and hammered 🤦🏻♀️ instead of feeling all of that amazement and excitement. After all the time I’d spent dreaming of that moment, it turned out that some part of me couldn’t handle those big feelings. It was too much goodness for me to take all at once.
In hindsight, I guess that hangover was just what I needed, because I’m too afraid of a splitting headache to have one too many margaritas now. 😅 This time around, I’m slowing down and letting the expansion settle in. I’m letting it inform where I’m going and why. I’m unwilling to numb it all.
I’ve been using this tool to help integrate the part of me that feels so different after getting on that stage with the part that has come home to a daily life that is very much the same:
Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. - Zen Buddhist saying
Even though I feel really different on the inside (though not enlightened, sadly 😉), and I’m not quite sure what to make of that yet… On the outside, I’m still doing all of the simple, daily tasks that make up a life.
I’m driving my side-by-side with hay in the back and my dog by my side. I’m wiping down the countertops after dinner. I’m driving my daughter and her gaggle of friends to the movies.
I’m just doing it all with deeper presence and awareness than before. I’m sitting in the sometimes uncomfortable, but oddly pleasant, feeling of being in between something old and new.
I’m living the question: How does the “new” Hannah do the same old shit? 😜
Have you ever been afraid of what would happen if you changed? If you transformed? What will your partner think? Will you have to quit your soul-sucking job? What if your friends don’t understand?
I think this idea of engaging with your “old” life in a new, expanded way, without having to burn anything to the ground (which can be a common impulse after a transformative experience), is the key.
It can build our trust that Life will meet us right where we are. By simply chopping wood and carrying water, focusing on what’s right in front of us with presence and curiosity, we’ll actually end up right where we’re meant to be. And that’s what most of us are after, right? ☺️
If you’d like to hear my talk at the Journey On Podcast Summit, you can still purchase recordings of the entire event. There were so many inspirational moments - It’s well worth the investment imho!
You don’t have to be a horse person to enjoy. If you’re interested in topics like intuition, awareness, energy, and fear, or if you love inspirational stories and TED style talks, I think this will be your jam.
