I’m in the throws of preparing my talk for the Journey On Podcast Summit next month, and in thinking through the stories I could tell, the message I’d like to get across, and workshopping ideas with friends, I’ve had a new and unexpected awareness about the story of my life.
I thought I knew quite a lot about my special brand of fear and insecurity. I know I’m quite hard on myself, I’m still pretty terrified of messing up and what that might mean for my relationships, and I’m trying to start looking at my ability to shapeshift into who I think I need to be in any given situation as a gift versus an inability to “be myself” at all times, like that’s even possible (I have an undefined g-center for any fellow Human Design enthusiasts).
I’ve talked a lot with therapists and coaches about how I have a tough time receiving love, feeling worthy of it. I’ve been practicing that this year. I’ve been living the question, “What if I let them love me?” My relationships have shifted in amazing ways! Yay for healing.
But it wasn’t until last week when I was in a session with a healer I’ve been working with for a couple years now that I realized it goes both ways…
We were talking about my childhood, and in a really nonchalant way, she said something like, “Yeah, it’s like you didn’t have the freedom to love without being made wrong. You didn’t feel the safety you needed to love as deeply as you love.” 🤯
It reminds me of a lyric from that Taylor Swift/Bon Iver song, “Exile”, where he was left “holding all this love out here in the hall.”
Like I said, I knew I’d been holding others at a distance, afraid if they got too close and got to know the “real me,” they’d run for the hills. But what about all the unexpressed love within me? What to do with it all? It seems so obvious now that I can see it… to love big can be a really scary thing. I can already feel the transformation beginning…
I’m still unpacking it all, of course, and I hesitated to share, but it felt too important not to. Giving and receiving love is something I hope we can all get better at, because it feels like humans are at an interesting crossroads - like the Universe is waiting to see what we’ll create next. And whatever it is, I want it to be more loving. ❤️
I think I’m going to ramble about some of this in my talk at the Summit (I’m encouraging myself to be a bit more vulnerable!), and speaking of, I would love it so much if you joined me. 😉
There are still a few in-person tickets remaining the last time I heard. And it will be live-streamed as well (recordings will be included!) There are lot of other amazing presenters sharing the stage. I think you’ll love to get to know them, too (if you don’t already).
Lastly, I’ll be doing a Mindfulness with Horses workshop this Saturday. Check it out! There’s also a poll to collect day/time preferences for an online Human Design workshop. 👇🏼
Happenings
Workshop: Mindfulness with Horses
Date: Saturday, October 14
When: 9:00-10:30am
Where: Happytown Horse Park (👈🏼 their Insta is great, btw)
The cost is $45. Local to NWA? Just get in touch to reserve a spot!
Presence is Power: Human Design 101
What: a workshop for Human Design newbies or those who’d like a refresher
When: TBA, but likely one of the times listed below
Where: We’ll be on Zoom, so you can join in from anywhere in the world!
We’ll meet for about an hour, depending on if there are any questions. I’ll record and likely post it afterward for those who can’t make it live. Wish me luck, because it’s my first time hosting an online workshop! 🤗